Let’s be honest, a post about work doesn’t sound the most exciting…and it probably isn’t. But this is something a lot of people will be going through right no so I thought I would share my experience of looking for employment during lockdown as well as my experiences in the workplace. I apologise in advance, this is a long one.
I might as well start from the beginning…I had always wanted to work in the area of crime, but hadn’t decided exactly in what capacity (spoiler alert, I still haven’t). I did my Msc in Forensic Psychology which I loved and had aimed to make this a career…until I found out forensic psychology jobs are like gold dust and there were none to be had. The jobs I did find demanded experience…but because of the area I wanted to work in…I wasn’t able to find anywhere that offered this and due to cuts, my university course dropped the placement element which I later discovered was pretty essential. I wish I could tell you that I found a way around this and am now I top forensic psychologist but alas, this is not the case.
Anyway enough of that, I left uni, came back to Scotland, and tried to cram as much volunteering into my life as possible. I volunteered as an adviser for the Citizens Advice Bureau, provided food to the homeless and was part of a group supporting a sex offender to reintegrate back into the community. It took almost a year before I was finally offered paid employment…a year long temporary contract as a housing officer with the council. I can’t say this was the most enjoyable of jobs, it was hard and I was regularly subjected to a lot of verbal abuse. I worked with some great (and some not so great) people. However, I did find that people judged me very quickly on my country background and made some very unfair assumptions. While most of my workmates didn’t have a problem, there was one in particular who would make snide comments on a regular basis about me being rich and living off the bank of Mum and Dad (neither of which were true) and other similar remarks. It wasn’t a huge problem but it made me feel very uncomfortable and happened often enough that I was never able to fully relax.
Thankfully, before my contract was up I found another role as a trained mediator. Another year long contract which was renewed once before the service lost it’s funding so I was there for nearly two years. This was a job I enjoyed, although it could be incredibly frustrating at times (the number of neighbours fighting over parking spaces and wheelie bins still astounds me)! I was part of a nice small team who were super supportive and made one of my best work friends there. Mediation is also a skill that has proved to be very valuable in everyday life!
I was very lucky that when the mediation service lost it’s funding, I was offered a role in another team within the same organisation so although I had been going through the stress of applying for jobs (and being rejected), I was lucky to end up with a smooth transition from one job to the other. This role involved working with women working in the sex industry and was a job that I really enjoyed…although another year long contract. As with everything there were pros and cons. I loved being able to build proper relationships with the women I worked with and being able to help and support them, but also had to deal with a lot of no shows and verbal abuse from both clients and non clients. One of the hardest parts of this job was seeing the attitudes of men towards these women and it was so difficult not to start feeling critical of myself e.g. men saying that the women were too fat for them at a size 10! This is something that has stayed with me ever since, and I don’t think will ever leave me fully. I had great workmates and there was a fun social side…however, again, I always felt that my background had an impact on how some people viewed me and I did find the environment quite cliquey. There has always been the dilemma of whether to talk about some (very big) aspects of my life such as hunting, farming etc or whether to just keep quiet. On the one hand I wonder why I should have to hide part of my life that I’m fully supportive of just because others don’t agree with me, or, to keep quiet and hide it to make my life a bit easier. Anyway, I was open and honest about it here and, although I wouldn’t get into a debate, if asked, I would give my reasons. Again, there were one or two who made it quite clear they did not like me and would often make comments or remarks to emphasise this but on the whole it was good. That was until there was a period when a number of new employees came in. This was great at first but quickly the clique reformed and I wasn’t invited and it went downhill from there. I began to feel left out by my workmates and was often made to feel stupid, as if I couldn’t do my job. It was often playground stuff like, quick looks and rasied eyebrows to each other whenever I said something or texting each other over the desk which was obviously about me, stopping talking when I walked into the room and generally being very patronising about my work. It may not seem much but when it was constant over a period of time, it really affected me. I did speak up once and it got better very briefly but quickly went back to how it was. I completely lost my confidence and was going home and calling my Mum in tears multiple times a week. It was clear that as much as I loved my job, I couldn’t work there any more, even if my contract was renewed, so I began the job hunt again.
I should to add at this point that during my time at this organisation I also started working in Holland Cooper at the weekends. I’d been doing a spot of shopping the manager said they were recruiting so I decided that with my love of fashion and the countryside, why not? I barely had a day off with my full time and now part time jobs but I loved it and when it came to an end I applied to Fairfax and Favor to be part of their events team. I used my annual leave to attend events and I had been absolutely loving it (although it is bloody hard work!) until the dreaded Covid hit and ruined all the 2020 plans 😦 I’m hoping that I may have the chance to see the team and sell some pretty things next year but who knows.
Anyway, back to my full time employment. You know what they say about waiting for a bus and two come along at once? Well after not being offered interviews or just missing out, I was offered two very different posts. One, a year long contract but not quite what I wanted, or a short term maternity post in an area that really interested me. I debated for a long, long time, but eventually went with my gut and took the short term post which involved co-ordinating a service for women and children who had experienced domestic abuse. I hadn’t worked with children and young people before and anyone who knows me knows that I am not the biggest fan of kids (understatement of the century), but I actually loved this job! It was a big challenge as the person I took over from had already left when I started so I had to try and find my feet very quickly but it was well worth the stress. I was also back in the Borders countryside for this role and felt no judgement whatsoever from my peers which was a welcome change! I told my workmates what had happened previously and they were so supportive which then really hit home how awful it had been. I was genuinely gutted when the end of the contract started looming, which felt like no time at all, and I had to start the job hunt again!
This brings me to my current role. I came across a research position at Edinburgh University working on a longitudinal project with a focus on youth crime. It was not a straight forward process…I had to do a presentation which is literally my idea of hell and when I saw this, I very nearly declined…thankfully I decided it didn’t matter if I completely embarrassed myself as I’d never see them again. The morning of the interview came and as I pulled into the car park at the train station I realised I had left my purse in another handbag and had no money. Again, I almost took this as a sign it wasn’t meant to be and head home…but decided to really make a show of myself and stop a man also heading to the station, telling my story and asked him to buy me a ticket (this is literally making my insides shrivel up writing this). Thankfully, he was extremely nice and bought me a return and flatly refused to let me transfer the cash over to him. It turned out he was also on the way to an interview so we had that in common…and I have always wished there was a way to thank him again for his generosity! Anway, I nearly died of shock when I got offered this role (a slightly lengthier 1.5 year post) but gratefully accepted and looked forward to the new challenge. It has definitely been a big change and a completely different and much quieter office environment. It has been fun doing something different, although I have definitely missed the client contact (I now have pretty much none). Again, there are no country folk and there are also a lot more vegan/ vegetarian team mates so I just don’t talk about my farming/ country pursuits background. An academic once tried to tell me that sheep were actually very clever and this was the point I decided not to even try (not one of my team mates I may add). I moved from Edinburgh back to the Borders at the end of March to complete my annual lambing stint and have ended up living here ever since and working remotely. I am so grateful that I have been able to keep my job and my income but by the time summer rolled around I could see the end of my contract getting closer and knew I’d better start applying as the market was going to be much more competitive than usual.
This proved to be true as there were many jobs I applied for that I had all the required skills but didn’t even get offered an interview which was disheartening. What was even more disheartening was having interview after interview and not getting offered anything! I had a full month where I had at least one interview a week and it was so hard to try and be positive after each knockback took a bit more wind out of my sails. Thankfully, I was finally offered a job…and not only that, a permanent one!! In my six years of employment this is the first permanent role I have been offered! FINALLY! It is another complete change as it is an agricultural job but if I’m honest, I’m really looking forward to going back to my roots and working in the countryside again. I will definitely miss working in criminal justice but that’s not to say I won’t go back (especially if I mess up my probation period)!
I have always found short term contracts as I’ve never been able to settle properly before feeling the need to try and find something else before the current contract ends and there is the constant worry in the back of my mind that I might end up unemployed. It has also been a consistent factor in being unable to get a mortgage as well as the fact I never know where my next job is going to be (big stress!). When Covid hit, I was convinced I was going to end up out of work…I had been planning on heading back into third sector work which is of of the worse areas at the moment due to being so heavily reliant on funding. All my job hunting and interview experiences made this feel like it was going to be my new reality so I am ridiculously thankful to have been thrown a lifeline with this new role (I’m deliberately not saying much about it as still waiting for my PVG and don’t want to jinx it). My advice if you are currently job hunting is to not give up, no matter how many times you get knocked back, or how deflated you feel, do not give up! One of my first interviews after Covid was horrific, I made a complete idiot of myself and declined feedback because I was so mortified! But I got over it and went through with (what felt like) a million more…some were bad, some were good but it was worth it in the end. I would say one tip for online interviews is to stick post its around your laptop which I did for most of mine…but I was never asked any questions where these came in handy so maybe not that helpful! On the flip side, one of the benefits of these short term contracts is that I have worked in a wide variety of different roles, some of which I have enjoyed and others I haven’t but even then at least I know what I definitely don’t want to do. One big negative which I’m sure you will have picked up on is the judgement I have faced in many of my workplaces. Yes I may not be everyone’s cup of tea but I don’t judge people on their backgrounds and I expect the same…unfortunately, it has not worked out that way and this angers me a lot as I feel it shouldn’t matter where you come from, you are there to do the same job as everyone else and in my case that was to help vulnerable people and try to keep them safe. I hope that this may change in the future…be kind people!
This has been a pretty long post so well done if you made it this far! I’d be really interested to hear any of your experiences and views in this area too!
Until next time
Kirsty x
lifewithkirstyjane.com 